Pre-Pregnancy Musings...

I know that I sound silly repeating myself over and over again, but seriously, WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE? I almost have a one-year-old! And while I won't lie and say that it's been the easiest year of my life, I will say that it's been one that I've been very blessed! I know that I've mentioned that it was difficult getting Bubha here during my pregnancy, but it also took us about 17 months to get pregnant. I look at my little guy, and I truly consider him an answer to prayers, and I think that I had to endure the struggles to get pregnant, and then to stay pregnant, so that I would have a FULL appreciation for this special little spirit that has blessed our home. 

I just wanted to post about some of my frustrations with getting pregnant, mostly because while I fortunately didn't have to get to drastic in our measures, I have had quite a few people ask me how I finally got pregnant after well over a year of trying. In January of 2007, I took my last birth control pill, and decided that I would get an IUD. I knew that this was not something that doctors usually gave women who had never had kids, but I had a few friends that got them anyway, and swore by them. So, I went to the doctor to ask for it, and scheduled an appointment, but I never felt good about it. To make a long story short(er), my husband and I decided that we would end birth control, and just put it all in the Lord's hands. 

I was totally naive to the fact that it could take several months to get prego. I just thought that I'd go off the pill and by the next month I'd be prego! :) By April, I was getting antsy, and so I went to the doctor to see what she could do to increase my chances. She put me on Metformin, which is a pill for diabetics, but has a side-effect of increased ovulation. I tried that for a few months, but nothing happened. 

My husband will confirm that my antsy-ness with conceiving kicked into HIGH gear at that point. I was constantly "google-ing" tips on how to conceive, and by the end of June, it was starting to consume me. In July, I got a call from my mom, who informed me that my family just found out that several members had a genetic disorder called, Fragile X Syndrome. http://www.fragilex.org/html/home.shtml (Go to this link to learn more). The short version is that my sister has the "full mutation" of this disorder, and it has caused developmental delays for her, almost considered autistic. We also found out that my mom, my cousin, and my uncle were all confirmed carriers of this. If you are a carrier, there is a possibility of infertility. When my mom called me I thought for sure that this is why I couldn't get pregnant. (I also had several of the other symptoms of a carrier, such as fibromyalgia.) I cried and mourned for days. I didn't know what I'd do if I couldn't get pregnant. I went and got tested and after a month found out that I was NOT a carrier. I was glad to rule this out. (I'll write more later on FXS.)

For the next several months, I had regular blood tests to test my hormone levels and everything else under the sun. I even had an ultra sound to make sure that I didn't have any cysts or anything that would cause problems. In September, I asked the doctor what the next step was, and she prescribed me Clomid. I had mixed feelings about it because I had heard negative things about it. But, I was getting so consumed by trying to get pregnant, that I started taking it. (Let me just say here that while this works for some people, it didn't help me get pregnant, or help my husband want to make a baby with me. In fact, when your husband sleeps on the couch each night because his wife had turned into a crazy, constantly crying, lunatic, it actually makes it harder to conceive - when you're not in the same room. :) 

But, to my husband's horror, I stuck out the Clomid for several more months. By the year mark since we had started trying, I was going crazy. I had so many emotional break downs. The smallest things would set me off. (And can I also just say: People, don't go around asking child-less couples if they don't have kids because they just don't like them...SERIOuSLY!) 

Every month I think that I bought enough tests to keep the pregnancy test companies a float all on my own! I would take several tests, and close my eyes, almost like that would make an extra line appear, because I wanted it so badly.  I would also like to add here that the process of making a baby was becoming more like a chore. And while I know that my husband and I have a very good relationship, between the Clomid craziness, and instructing him on when we would be trying, we started to struggle a little. 

In February, I had the dye test procedure done, and my tubes were just fine. I was almost hoping for a reason, but was glad that nothing major was wrong. I went for a second opinion and that doctor said that I was doing everything possible right now. (Again, I wanted to hear something else.)

We live in a small town, and to take the next steps of insemination, or IVF, would take a commitment of driving 1 to 2 hours each way for appointments, not to mention the costs involved. I begged my husband for us to go to specialists, but he talked me into waiting, mostly because of money. Wanting a baby so badly, I pitch the idea of adoption to him, but he said we should hold off a little longer.

My main job is for a school district, so I have summers off. To appease my husband, and to give myself a time frame, we made a deal that I wouldn't be so consumed with trying. That I'd get off the Clomid, that I wouldn't "schedule" times to try anymore, that I'd throw all of my conceiving tips out, that I'd get rid of my ovulation calendar, and that we'd just have a normal relationship, and see how things went. If by the summer when school was out, I wasn't pregnant, then we could look into going up North to a specialist (when I'd have more time). While this was VERY difficult for me, I up held my end of the bargain.  So, at the end of February, I took myself off of the Clomid. I stopped worrying about when we tried, and just worked on having a healthy marriage with my husband. 

I did need something new to fill my once-baby-obsessed mind though, so I decided to start training for a triathlon. While I was training, I re-injured my hip that I had hurt in high school track, so I decided to go to the chiropractor. I told him that I was training for the tri, and he asked if I had kids. I told him no, but I would like to. He told me about a women that came in because she couldn't get pregnant, and after a few treatments, she was pregnant. I tried not to get my hopes up, but kept this in the back of my mind as I went to three more sessions with him. 

School was getting out, and for Memorial Day we went to visit my parents. During that time, the emotions of wanting to get pregnant took over, and it's all I could think about. I was so emotional, tired, and I felt my fibro myalgia starting to kick in while we were visiting my parents. They live in the South, and the humidity was horrible! My fingers, toes, and boobs swelled up, but I just blamed it on the humidity! :) Finally, the morning after we got home, I woke up a little nauseated, so broke my promise, and used the last pregnancy test that I had. I figured I may as well use them up, and just throw the box away. All of a sudden, I noticed that there were two lines... and to make an already very long story short, I was indeed prego!!! 

I don't know what factor finally helped us to conceive. But, I think that the biggest part was that I stopped stressing about it, and just let it happen. I had thought that I knew exactly when I was ovulating, but since high school, my cycle has always been off, so maybe we were completely missing our fertility window. Maybe the chiropractor helped too. Or maybe Heavenly Father just had a plan of his own. Anyway, that's my pre-pregnancy story - complete with a happy ending! :)